Letter to My Sweet Song #1

12/11/2020

My Sweet Song,

It's been two years. Two whole years since you took your last breath. Since I got the call from your mom. I still don't want it to be true. I spend every night with my chest burning at the thought it could've been me that made you leave.

I can never be mad or hate you, because I understand what you were thinking. I know how helpless you felt that day. I felt that way too at one point, before I met you. It's a scary feeling like death is better than life. If only you told me. If only you called. Why didn't you call?

Some of the pieces of my soul are missing, I'm sure you took some with you when you left. And just like Grandma and Grandpa did I don't mind. I just wish the hole wasn't there.

You know I imagine your name’s carved in the surface of my heart. That's how much you mean to me. In fact you mean more than that. You’re the one who made me really, truly believe there’s still good people in the world. You were my first true friend when I lost everyone else. You made me smile and laugh the hardest I ever did. You didn't care that it took a while to get me to warm up to you, you put in all the effort you could.

I remember the exact date we met. I remember our first sleepover at your place then the one at mine. I never wanted to marry anyone more than I want to marry you. I saw you walking down the aisle to me with your biological dad. In my mind I asked you to marry me in a better way than through text message.

God I’m such an idiot, but I’m yours if you still want me when I die. Old and wrinkly with a few grandchildren left to continue my family name. I look forward to that day though I’m terrified. Another thing I’m terrified of is falling in love again, getting married, but I know you're the one to send that person my way.

I hope you like my series I'm writing for you. The titles make a poem, I'm still trying to figure out the last title in it to end off the series. I still need to finish books 7 & 8 so maybe you can help me with that too. I need it with 7. Really I do.

I think this letter is getting too long, but I'll start writing to you more often soon.

Love always your bestest best friend,

Marie Bleu